I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
