I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
