I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Never joke about your clitoris.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
