All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
