I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
