God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
