Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
