I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
