i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
