...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
