I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
