If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
