Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
