before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
