i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
