alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
