apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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