U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
