we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
