Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
