my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
