highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
