if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
