I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so that wasnt chicken after all
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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