im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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