so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
