she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
