There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
