life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drunk is not a location!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
