i think my tv is drunk
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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