Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
