Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
