make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
