I want to have your abortion
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
