watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
