we're chasing vodka with high fives
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
