the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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