Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
