Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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