my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
