sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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