Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
