Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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