I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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