it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
