Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
handjob tips. give me some.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
