God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm gonna fight the coyote
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
