the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
