I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
