New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
