she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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