i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
