ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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